Urine.

So, I just had to report that today was spent being assaulted by urine. So frickin' gross. It started when I tried to wake up the son (at 11) but he wasn't budging. I just stood there and stared at his greasy hair, thin, pale body, and felt...well nothing oddly enough. Then he woke up. Was fairly pleasant but informed me he had dropped his cell phone during the night and could only find the battery and cover. This is one of many cell phones I have purchased since he was 8 or 9. Yep, he was an early adopter as they say in the tech industry. Or more accurately, he was the early adopter and I was the trendsetting parent, always giving in and making sure my kid had whatever he needed to feel special and not "left out." I truly wish he felt left out now, then maybe he wouldn't be a drug addict.

Anyhow, after being informed that he only has parts of the $350 cell phone that is constantly being dropped and lost and "broken" (it is less than 4 months old)I drop to my knees like a good/bad parent and start the hunt. It is so dirty on the floor! Dust bunnies the size of Godzilla, stale tortilla chips, popcorn, pretzels, dirty black socks that were once white, rolled up pieces of paper, matches. Ah! What is that I see? Oh, just a piece of foil. I don't make a big deal of it but wonder if it is from the heroin days or is that related to pot? Sometimes I wish I were more experienced with drugs then I wouldn't have to spend so much time on Google. (More about the heroin use later -- which is the newest bump in this already bumpy road.)

Wait! I see the phone! It's by a film canister. Wow, haven't seen one of those in a long time. Remember when we actually had to take the film out of the camera -- "oh, I hope I got it out ok" -- and bring it into a place to get developed and then .... the waiting, waiting, waiting, for the photos? "Oh. I hope they came out ok. Especially that one of me and Dalai Lama / David Letterman / Meryl Streep / The Pope !" And then the day arrived, the photos were ready! You rush over to the local Walgreens, pay, get the nice fat pack of (hopefully perfect) photos. You take them out to the car in the parking lot and of course, thumb through them before driving home. Ah, the disappointment. The sadness. The anti-climatic ending to what should have been a great journey. Most of the photos are of my thumb. The others are undistinguishable. Is that a ghost? The white shadow in the background? "No, that's Grandma." Oh. I had to pay for each of these? Shit. But I digress. So, I take the film canister and without missing a beat open the cap....look in.... see some liquid. Liquid? In a film canister? Naturally put it right up to my nose and INHALE as deeply as I can before I hear the sounds of my son saying "No! Don't smell it!" Too late. It's urine. Urine that's in the process of fermenting. "It's pee. It's over a year old. I told you not to smell it."

By now I have run to the bathroom, no! Don't dump in the sink! (Don't know why I did't think of flushing it down the toilet, the rather logical thing to do, but I was in a state of urine induced insanity. Run to the kitchen. NO! Not in the kitchen sink. Run outside, throw it on my lovely purple lavendar plant. Poor plant. Fully expect it to be dead tomorrow. WTF? Why would someone have a film canister filled with year old urine? Oh. Right. Drug testing. Apparently it came from the body of the kid -- 4 years younger than my son -- down the street. Wonder what he got out of it?

So, that's how the day started. I spent the rest of the day cleaning the house and trying to get the lingering smell of urine out of my facial vicinity. I could not get that smell out of my mind.

Did I mention we have a new puppy? (There is a connection to the urine induced insanity, I promise.) Yep. The puppy is super cute and I love him more than anything but sadly my son is not the most able when it comes to cleaning up urine-soaked carpets. So, the pee smell in our tiny house just won't-ever-go-away. Of course when I am not working at the day job, the son doesn't really take the puppy out for walks (even though he is now technically home schooled via an online high school) unless it's to go a block away to purchase or sell drugs. Although he, the son and the puppy actually, are getting better at housekeeping chores. The sad fact remains that I have thrown out three carpets that were beyond redemption but the few remaining ones have this horrid odor that just won't go away. Well, that's not true. The smell does go away, so I get tricked into thinking I have managed to save another carpet. But of course, the odor always creeps back. It seemd especially strong today but it was probably my early morning urine experience that has me quite obsessed with pee on this lovely Saturday. So, the rest of the day was spent sprinkling rosemary-lavendar powder on the carpets and vacuuming. Didn't work. So I performed a combination of pet odor stain and smell remover along with a liberal dosing of Fabreze and soy candles. Didn't work. Went to the hard-core stuff: "Urine Be Gone" (as seen on TV) heavy dudty spraying on the carpets then checking with a black light for spots. So gross. (Note to self: stop using black light. Will drive me insane.) I guess I just need to throw out the rest of the carpets and start over. I always feel like I am starting over.

Urine. The smell that won't go away. Just like my son's drug habit.